3 Surprising Life Edits I Learned at a Writers’ Conference (Even If You’re Not a Writer)

Fascinating how lessons learned at a writer’s conference cross over seamlessly to real-life situations. Three of the things I learned came at a great time, I guess. I mean, are lessons ever fun to learn?

Good thing I walked beneath giant redwoods when this occurred. Their majestic beauty and peaceful canopy always soften the blow of self-realization.

1. I Came, I Saw, I Declined

Also known as, “just because you can fit it all into your schedule doesn’t mean you should.”

For me, it’s like suffering from buffet syndrome: If I’m gonna pay $34.99 for all-you-can-eat, you better bet I’m gonna stuff myself like a taxidermied bear. I’m soft and innocent on the outside, but you have no idea what kind of a harsh winter I’m preppin’ for.

About 23 minutes later I always feel gross, and quickly remember why getting my money’s worth isn’t worth it.

So no, I didn’t go to every single class like I usually do. Have you ever ditched seminars at a conference? I felt a tad guilty on day one, but then slid down a beautifully slippery slope to freedom as the long weekend went on. I worked on my book, finished a blog post, visited with fellow writers, and went home feeling content instead of frazzled from more fire hose learning. 

Same goes for real life. Just because you’re able to take 6 pilates classes a week, feed the homeless, write the newsletter for your local roller rink, volunteer at church, knit beanies for Yorkies, lead the Silver Sneakers group, bake sourdough for firemen, sing with Voices for Vegans, and throw pottery like it’s your j-o-b… doesn’t mean you should. 

I remember a friend telling me a couple years ago that it seemed like I was in a learning rut. She said I had learned enough about writing for the moment and needed to simply start writing more.

There’s a term for that, but I wasn’t sure what it was called either, so I looked it up for you. You’re welcome, but the point is, the phrase we’re both anxiously waiting for is “tutorial hell.” Hahaaa. Sounds about right, right? Other people call it “the learning loop.” Ever found yourself there?

I knew it was time to ditch class and put ink to papyrus. Or fingers to Apple keys. Whatever. I took a mental break from learning, learning, learning, and focused more on implementing all the knowledge I’ve gained. 

As a still-in-process recovering perfectionist, I’m fairly certain I’ll never be 100% satisfied with anything I produce. But it helps a little when I hear my friend’s words ringing in my ears: “Let it be good enough.”

Ooo… great point. I should definitely take that advice, call it a day, and press print. Submit. Enter. Publish.

And then I quietly scream. “Good enough?!” Do you have any idea what that sounds like in the ears of a Type-A writer who’s also an editor? “Good enough” tells me I’m settling for something that’s not great.

And back to the enneagram I go to figure out why I am the way I am. A little more therapy might not hurt either. (sigh)

ANY-who… you don’t have to do it all, friend. Remember, every yes you say out in the wild is a no you say back at home. 

“‘No’ is a complete sentence.”  ~Anne Lamott

2. Gold Connections Are Rare

If you’ve ever been to the same conference more than once, you probably know how fun it can be to reconnect with the same people year after year. Writer’s conferences are no different, but I never felt super connected to anyone in particular. Probably had a little to do with my lack of vulnerability, but that’s none of your business, so move on. 

Yes, we’re both passionate about avocados. So of course, we had to take our 3rd annual photo in our matching socks together. If you love devos that revolve around grace & all things Little House on the Prairie, check out mi amiga Wendi Lou Lee.

The friends I’ve made throughout the years vary from loud and quirky to quiet and professional and everything in between. It felt so rewarding when conversation finally started migrating from agents, authors, publishers, and platforms to fears, friends, hopes, and health. I’ve been attending conferences for years, but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt this connected to other writers. 

I’m in three different writer groups, which tells you I obviously need the accountability. We text during the year, write together at o-dark-thirty once a week, hold each other accountable with our goals, request to be each other’s roommates at the next conference, commiserate when we get rejection letters, and clap in each other’s directions when someone gets a yes. Gold. 

Surprised by one of my Golden Girls, the ambitious Marci Seither. She’s written hundreds of articles, 4 books, & now has a magazine for Christian writers!

Marci packed that outfit (& candy vitamins for us) from Tennessee just to surprise me. That’s why I love her–she’s nuts.

Do you have people in your circle like that? It took me a minute. But now in the second half of life (am I old?), it’s super satisfying to have Christian friends who push me professionally. 

Holly Varni – the spontaneous & hilarious friend who writes novels about quaint locations,
& hosts a podcast too!

Beautiful woman & writer Rachel Dodge creates devotionals around timeless classic stories. If you’re an Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen, or Little Women fan, Rachel’s your girl.

Are you a people-watcher? Me too. Spending time with men and women who all carry manuscripts but show up for vastly different reasons always intrigues me. From brand new writers whose nerves are hanging out, to veteran authors who smell like poised ink… you’d think they have very little in common.

The prolific novelist, James Scott Bell. Known this guy for about 25 years, but just found out his son was my son’s professor at Biola.

No need to be intimidated though—we can see right through that separation of rookie and professional. We’re all just humans with a knack for killing adverbs, consuming a few too many snacks while we tap tap tap our keyboards, and praying all this effort will pay off someday. My writer/author/editor/publisher connections-turned-friends feel like gold. And I am grateful. 

McGee & Me’s creator, Señor Bill Myers. He’s been joking around for about 97 years, & coming to Mount Hermon for just as long.

3. You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

My third lesson came in the middle of the conference. When I get to teach, the perfectionist in me wants to research for dozens of hours, practice for just as long, and cut back on sleep to ensure everything turns out flawless.

Do you ever push yourself beyond what’s necessary? I’ve always had a rough time figuring out that line between neurotic and good enough. Sheesh, there’s that term again. This “good enough” monster I’m turning into sounds wishy-washy to say the least. Please don’t call me a slacker.

None of us has to strive for perfection, I know, but sometimes my insecurity gets in the way. What if I bomb? What if they don’t like my class? What if someone falls asleep? What if I lose my place and look like a rookie? What if I never get invited back? Please tell me this happens in your brain too. 

In an effort not to stress myself out with the nanoscopic details most people don’t notice, I decided to cut back a bit this year. So I did a normal amount of research, prep, and practice, and then stuck a bow on it. Surprise, surprise… people showed up, my seminar went well, and I walked out more content than ever. And two friends even showed up to cheer me on!

Ever wanted to be a writer? My number one piece of advice I always tell newbies (besides to get a butt cushion) is to go to a writer’s conference. They are by far the best place to learn a ton, make connections, and get ahead of the curve. 

If you know a writer who would love to take their writing to the next level, please send this to them. Writing is incredibly solitary, and everyone can use some encouragement.

This vocalist, Broadway actor, voice coach, & passionate woman gave us an unbelievable concert. And in between laughing together for days, she gave me my favorite new phrase that I use when I don’t buy into something: “I don’t subscribe to that.” Looove it. If you haven’t heard Nyla Watson belt out notes you didn’t think were possible, look her up. And, she’s writing a book!

Have you ever been to a writer’s conference? Have you written a magazine article? Have you written a book? Do you want to? Do you think writers are odd ducks? Tell me about your experience in the comments!