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Dangle Your Modifiers In Someone Else’s Fairytale, Por Favor
Once upon a time there was a lovely faculty member, and she was the fairest smarty pants in all the camp. “Kill the adverbs and avoid split infinitives.” Totally nodding my head in agreement, wise instructor lady. Love your class so far, but if you call on me I might have to break up with you and slip out the double doors. Your basic writers conference gives you tools to become a better writer. Tips to hook your reader. Insights to hone your craft. But when you attend the Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference, you get a whole lot more than basic. And when one of your instructors is the Senior Acquisitions…
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Easter Fail
I knew he was familiar with the Easter story, but I had never heard our seven-year-old try to re-tell it on his own. We only read the full account of Jesus’ death and resurrection once a year; I expected him to get a couple details wrong. Pride welled when he began. Then perfectionism kicked in and disappointment welled when he continued. Not disappointment in my boy—in me and my parenting skills. We use a visual aid called Resurrection Eggs and the carton contains a dozen plastic eggs, each one containing an object to help convey the meaning of Easter. For example, in the orange egg you’ll find praying hands, and the…
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“Your Hard Drive Is Shot”
Writing to you live from the other computer…. Our laptop crashed last week. Took a corner too fast and bam—head on with an innocent user. The low-pitched incessant beep was enough to make me want to smother it in the night, but I still had high hopes it could be restored. After a phone date with a lovely lady from the Apple Genius Bar, she deduced it needed an in-person appointment. So Doug took it to nerd (compliment) number two, who delivered the sad news. “Your hard drive is shot. We can fix it for $425, but in nine months your laptop will be obsolete anyway.” Obsolete? It’s only six…
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The Circus Next Door
I asked God to direct my writing and give me material. This is not what I had in mind. Large trucks pull into the empty lot around lunchtime. The photo-wrapped trailer shimmies up to the far fence and faces the road. The other one shimmies up to our side yard. That’s close enough, thanks. Nice of you to block the dust, but I don’t need you checking out our laundry or feeding our dogs through the chainlink. My attitude plummets when truck and trailer detach, back doors swing open, and a washing machine appears… about 20 feet from mine. Let me guess—you want to borrow a hose? And tap into our…
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10 Años of Blessings… and Mud
Where were you on February 28, 2006? Not exactly a national day to remember, I know. But for us it was the day we moved to another country. To another culture. To another life. Our oldest was four, I was 35 weeks prego with our second, and we spent our first night in Baja, Mexico. Actually, in El Porvenir. But more specifically, in a 5th Wheel trailer. Have you ever tried to sum up ten years of your life in a few hundred words? My life in suburbia could be condensed rather easily: got married, got a job, got a puppy, bought a house, chaperoned a bunch of proms, pulled weeds,…
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Carols In The Closet
She looked up from her phone and spoke with authority. “We need to take cover. Now.” Her children followed like obedient ducks. But we, the west coast visitors who had never received any such emergency text, questioned her urgency. Right now? In the middle of dinner? Two families and a live-in mum around a table, eating simple pizza and crudités before the impending Christmas feast, ditched our plates, grabbed a few carrots and vacated. I felt a blog post coming on, so I snapped this pic and followed the fam. Our friend Erik (well aware of how long this might last) grabbed his guitar and yelled to our oldest, “Micah—grab…
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If You Give a Woman a Kiss: Chocolate and Laura Numeroff to the Rescue
Inspired by Laura Numeroff, @lauranumeroff and If You Give a Dog a Donut If you give a woman a kiss, She’ll ask for some milk to go with it. (But not just any kiss. A dark chocolate version.) (And not just any milk. A creamy coconut version.) When you give her the milk, she’ll drink it all up. Then she’ll ask for more. There won’t be any left, so she’ll want to make her own. She’ll go outside, shimmy a palm and pick coconuts. When she’s up in the tree, she’ll toss you one. Throwing the coconut will make her think of dryer balls. You’ll have to get a basket. And some clothes.…
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New Baja Blogger on The Block: How the Writer in Me Wants to Connect with You
What do pink hearts, a spotless house, and baby bunnies have in common? They’re all things you won’t find here. What you might find: confessions, reviews, recommendations, how-to’s. What you’ll definitely find: an optimistic wife and mom who misses friends, consumes avocados in bulk, deals with guilt, yields to power naps, loves to write, and doesn’t fit in with the locals. Today’s chores are being ignored, my desk is somewhat organized, and this computer keeps providing ink. Being qualified is subjective and I’m crazy about community, so I step out and begin to post. So what’s on the horizon? Shenanigans south of the border. No, I won’t be reporting from Papas…
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Not Your Typical Pediatrician (Weight While You Wait)
“Be content with your surroundings, but not with yourself till you have made the most of them.” ~Anonymous It used to be a house. But narrow hallways of tile now lead to random doors of desired wellness. Medical buildings typically have some sort of theme: women’s issues, children’s health, mental well-being. Not this one. While I’m checking in my son Brock for a strange rash on his legs, a woman two rooms down is giving birth. Strangers behind us could be waiting for the psychologist, nutritionist, or surgeon. The posted flyer announces Ear Washing in a star word bubble, as well as Economical Packages for Cesarean Deliveries, while five tall…
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No Language, No Voice: Going to School in Another Country All Alone
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” ~ Deuteronomy 31:6 I led my firstborn to the concrete classroom with the green metal door and faked a bit of confidence. Micah did not want to go in just as much as I did not want to leave, so we stood there squeezing hands and scanning the crowd. Dozens of brown eyes stared like they’d never seen white people. It was March—not the best time to enter a new school. Especially in another country. We had only lived in town…
